Connecting All the Events

We need a lot more immigration. It was probably a gas leak. How about a million Syrians in 2017? It was an intentional explosion but not a bomb, that's for sure. Diversity is our greatest strength. 29 injured. Thank g*d no one was hurt. The motive is unknown as of this moment and is likely to remain so. The knife attacker was yelling desert war cries and asking victims if they were moose-limb. There is no direct link between these events and ISIS. This is unlikely to happen again, especially if we keep appeasing the invaders. Everything is fine. Say, isn't that negro ball on your electronic synagogue? Better focus on that, but maybe skip the national anthem part.

Details are just coming in, but law enforcement sources say Ahmad Khan Rahami was captured following gunfire. He is reportedly alive but wounded, and two police officers were also hurt. It appears one was shot, but neither sustained life-threatening injuries.

You'll be pleased to know that the perfect record of avoiding bloodshed continues, Governor Johnson. "Races" police take the moon cultist down gently, #jihadlivesmatter.

Sources say that federal prosecutors have already drafted charges against Rahami, and they could be announced as early as Monday. It is unclear exactly what the charges would be, but sources say they are likely related to use of IEDs. 

Yeah. One would think, anyway.

Authorities say all three of the bombs in Chelsea and Seaside Park had flip phones, even though there are some differences in design. The Seaside explosive device involved pipe bombs tied together, and sources say it was timed to detonate when the race began.

Cool plumbing system, Ahmad! Want to bring it to the White House?

 We need a lot more of this in Montana.

Both Chelsea bombs utilized Christmas lights for wiring, and the pressure cooker bomb found intact had a label on it for the chemical Tannerite, an explosive often used for target practice that can be picked up in many sporting goods stores. That pressure cooker bomb was described by a source as being extremely heavy, containing shrapnel.

But enough about that, let's discuss how to flood the U.S.S.A. with more rapefugees and enemygrants and make sure they're sent to the Whitest remaining areas. Our magical soil will then transform them into good little consumers.

"There are similarities among the bombs," Gov. Andrew Cuomo said. "They are not all identical, but there are certain similarities with how the bombs are put together, with certain elements, etc, suggesting there might have been a common linkage or common person behind all the bombs." 

You know what? I think you might be right! That "common person" is probably a White "racist" Christian who wants small government, if the jewish morality plays on the talmudvision can be trusted.

"This was an intentional act, but we do not know the motivation," de Blasio said over the weekend. "That's what we have to do more work on. We know there was a bombing. We will be very careful and patient to get to the full truth here."

We'll work tirelessly to obfuscate, to bury the obvious truth and to generally perform impressive contortions of cognitive dissonance before unceremoniously dropping this whole thing down the memory hole.

By Monday morning, authorities had connected all the incidents, for which Rahami is believed to responsible.

Another nearly impenetrable sand monster mystery solved.

The full truth.


  1. Honestly?
    You need your own TV show.
    I wonder if you could replace Mr Maddow...


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