Chiraq: "Teenagers" went Wild

Local alderman now says cops were "vastly outnumbered" and an internal review is underway to determine why police "early warning" system about mob actions failed. See our full update on this development HERE. Our original report follows.

Every now and then I like to start with the punchline. Somehow the advance scouts failed to notice the dark mob and the representatives of the decaying rule of law were vastly outnumbered by "teens." How could this happen? Everyone knows we have the best technology and doctrines in the critical field of controlling tar monster wilding. I'm sure the review will correct whatever one in a million flaw prevented the Blue Lives that Matter from throwing a huge net over the monkey metastasis. This is unlikely to happen again, be sure to plan your summer vacation to Chicongo, Drillinois.

At least four people were injured and two arrests were made after a large group of teenagers went wild near Chicago’s historic Water Tower on Saturday evening, according to police and witnesses.

Those crazy kids and their goofy little pranks. It probably resembled something out on an old "Archie" comic and not a savage all against all in a city that's been fully annexed by Africa and the Latin American sewer. I mean, you were young once, right? Racially-motivated mob attacks are just an innocent expression of youthful exuberance.

Security at the Water Tower Place shopping mall reported the first sign of trouble around 8:20 p.m. Fifty teenagers were said to be involved in a fight near the mall entrance at 845 North Michigan Avenue.

Your usual fifty spongehead brawl, no reason to activate the "early warning" system for full-blown monkeyshines.

As the shopping mall incident mellowed, sparks flew again less than a block away near the landmark historic Water Tower and Jane Byrne Plaza.

Come see the historic Water Tower and interact with the exciting "diversity" of identical-looking and behaving evolutionary dead-ends.

"These guys are running amok, they knocked an old lady down by Ghiradelli," came one report.

The content of their character.

“They’re attacking people now,” another officer reported via radio.

Does this prove I'm not "racist?" I sure hope so. Over.

After the woman was reported injured, a male tourist was reportedly battered and shoved under a horse carriage. He declined medical attention.

Once your realize said medical attention is going to come from Nurse La-ah and some comically inept street-shitter "doctor" this response is understandable. 

A Mag Mile resident told CWBChicago, “I went downstairs to warn security…and I saw police tackle and handcuff a teenage male.” The witness estimated that “300 to 400” people were involved in the melee. That number was later echoed by police.

I would estimate that we're one or maybe two more wasteful, dead-on-arrival programs away from completely fixing the Crabgrass-American.

Another fight, described by police as “massive” broke out shortly after 9 p.m. outside the Chicago Red Line station, 800 North State Street.  CTA workers at the Chicago station dialed 911 and reported 20 to 30 teen males “jumping turnstiles and beating on the kiosk.”

These are just overcooked Whites. They're human, just like you. The bad behavior is caused by "poverty" and "racism." The jew might not have been fully honest.

Tactical units from the neighboring 1st (Central) Police District were brought in to assist with the mayhem.

The long, unwinnable war against genetic determinism is waged in the streets of a dead city.

Another man involved in the ballyhoo was arrested for theft, according to a police department source. The Chicago Police Department Office of News Affairs was unable to immediately locate details of the theft case.

The flatties are trying to determine who else was involved in this Harlem sunset. Twenty-three skiddoo.

 It's going to be a two minute minor for beating on a kiosk.


  1. Mayor Deadfish Dodo Bird said,"We obviously need more basketballs and midnight courts. We can see that policing is not appropriate in cases involving diverse kitty. The poop is beginning to stink and I am feeling like I cannot count on the fingers of one paw, how many Chiraq animals support me and my cabal of carpetbaggers. We have to pin the blame on Whitey before its Hitler all over again."
    Deadfish Dodo Bird is now a member of an endangered species of birdbrains that cause trouble and stink. He and his kind are grasping at straws, trying guilt trips and hoping the wild animals do not eat them.


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